This wouldn’t be a blogpost without me saying that dating is the worst.
The worst of it is that it keeps getting worse even when it’s sometimes better.
I have been on a lot of bad dates in my life (the date where the guy didn’t tell me it was a formal dance and I wore khakis and a jean jacket; the date where I found out the guy had picked up the ring THAT DAY for his soon-to-be-fiance (long story); the date where I was fasting (Fast Sunday was the next day), but he took me to a restaurant (not in the original plans) and I felt awkward so I ordered something, and THEN he told me he wasn’t ordering because he was fasting *blergh!*; the date where the guy attacked my religious beliefs even though we share the same religion, and so on).
But this is not about those dates.This is about my current repertoire of dates, which, if categorized, would go in the “good date” category.
I get set up a fair amount. And I venture back into online dating every once in a while. So I do go out on dates. But of late, this is how the date goes.
Talk to guy.
- Be wildly interesting and super funny
- Set up time to meet.
- Go to lunch, dinner, ice cream, or smoothie.
- Talk a lot and get to know each other.
- Be wildly (and genuinely) interested in the conversation
- Say goodbye.
- The end.
I come home and it was just another person. Another one to two hours spent getting to know someone I probably won’t see again (but who I will probably try to set up with one of my friends and it won’t work out for them either…), and that’s it.
The date is fine. The guy is a genuinely good guy. The conversation is fine. It’s all fine.
But I just feel like I am past feeling.
And lest ye misunderstand, when I say past feeling, I mean that I don’t feel anything. It’s just like talking to a new acquaintance. But it’s worse because it’s a situation where I am trying to feel interested and there’s just nothing there. I’m indifferent as to whether or not I want to go out again. I’m pretty much indifferent to everything.
You could say I’m cold-hearted. I would probably agree. I didn’t always use to be this way. I used to get legit excited about certain dates and be nervous and everything about whether the guy would call back. But that didn’t serve me well. Too many hopes dashed and too much emotion that hurts after nearly 15 years of going on dates *yuck*. So now I’m just…dead inside.
But in speaking with many of my friends (both guys and girls), we all feel the same way. It’s a plague of our generation, I guess.
So here are three ideas to get past the “past feeling”:
2. *awkward silence*
3. *shifting eyes*
Ok, so I don’t have any idea.
Mostly, my “dealing with it” consists of me coming home, going to my room, holding back tears that I can’t feel anything (and sometimes not holding back tears), feeling angry at myself, wondering how if I can cry and be angry surely there must be some feeling left in me, praying to never go on any dates again ever, and then going to bed.
I really don’t know how to get past it. But I welcome ideas. However, I’ve already heard, “It will change when you really like someone” about 4 billion times. The problem with that is that I would have to really like someone. I can’t reasonably imagine that there are no human beings I already know who could fit this category and that I still just need to find “the one” who’s out there hiding under a bushel. (But I do feel that way because I can unreasonably imagine that).
I have also heard, “Give it some time.” Time is not on anyone’s side here. Us 30+ers who are still single have got the patience/God’s timing quotes memorized. But perhaps the main thing the over-30 club has learned from giving more time to someone you don’t feel anything for (I’m talking about not feeling one little iota) is that you end up even more frustrated with more tears and more sad prayers.
Lastly, please don’t say, “You’re lucky you’re even going on dates” because that’s #nothelpful. Sometimes going on dates when you feel like this is worse than not going.
So give me some real suggestions on how to get “past feeling”. Or just tell me it’s ok because this is life. And life is like that. #notbitter #really