So I’m pretty well aware that I’m not a mom yet. But I am very aware I’m addicted to mommy blogs.
Let’s not say addicted; that sounds bad. Let’s say, “I am a hugely ridiculous fan of reading [mommy blogs].”
They can be written by mothers I know and mothers I don’t know. For me, I call this Parenting Prep 6000. For others, they call it…well…I don’t know what they call it. Mommy Wars?
The point is that because I read mommy blogs all the time, I have become overly concerned about way too many things. And let’s just mention here that it’s not like I haven’t been around babies. I started babysitting when I was nine! And I still watch my nieces and nephews all the time. But when it’s your own kid…man I’m already stressing about things that I really don’t need to stress about. At least not quite yet. So now I’m here to stress you out as well.
Ten Things Mommy Blogs Taught Me to Worry About: Newborn Edition
10) Co-sleeping, bassinet, or crib? I don’t really recall how I slept as a baby because I was quite young when I was born. Also, from what I have observed, babies don’t sleep much anyway, nor do the parents. So I don’t think this one really matters. Never mind on that concern. Next.
9) Strollers. Apparently this is a big decision. What kind of a stroller leads to higher baby intelligence? Is a jogging stroller best because of the health benefits? A cheap hand-me-down since mama saves money? A deluxe, climate-controlled, RockShox get up? Will they really appreciate the $4000 Silver Cross Balmoral Pram? Also, that’s a real thing? I just googled expensive baby stroller and that’s what came up. I bought my car for about that amount! And my car can fit THREE babies in it, thank you very much. And I also enjoy a smooth ride and have relatively puncture-resistant wheels, too.
8) Cloth diapers or disposable? My mom raised most of us in cloth diapers. Because my parents were poor. And they had a passel of kids. And because disposable diapers were barely even invented in my day and probably cost $3 a diaper. So I’m pretty sure the cloth diaper thing was a sacrifice, not a nod to the environment. Yet, somehow, my mommy blog reading makes me feel a tiny twinge of guilt about disposing of so many diaper bombs into the landfills. But on the other hand, dirty diapers twelve to eighteen times a day. So… disposable it is. Good thing I finally got a Costco membership to prepare.
7) Natural, Epidural, or C-section? For now, let’s just leave this one at epidural based on the birth stories I have read and the *cough* wonderful stories I hear at baby showers. There is one thing for certain, though. I ain’t nevuh gonna post my baby’s birth story online.
6) Blogging about the birth story. Did you even read number 7? No. (watch me eat my words).
5) Nursing or bottle-feeding? So far I’ve decided that feeding the baby is a good idea. And the baby should be fed on a regular basis. So I’m just gonna make sure that happens.
4) Newborn pictures. Do I pay for the photographer who comes to the hospital when my baby still looks slightly like an alien? Do I go to a studio? Do I count on my future visiting teacher to be a professional photographer who I can count on when she asks, “What do you need?” Do I just buy a camera now and take classes? And do I make the lace tutu that my little girl will wear? Or do I use iron-on “one month, two month” patches on new Dillard’s white onesies? What if I can’t crochet? How am I ever going to make the baby hat? Oh, the humanity!
3) Gender reveal party. SO MUCH PRESSURE! First of all, do I find out the gender? Or do I wait because that’s what the cool kids do? Or do I not wait, because that’s what the other cool kids do? And if I DO want to find out, do I have someone else bake a cake with blue or pink inside? Or do we pop a balloon? Or do we put together a puzzle? Or do I hire an ultrasound technician to come to my living room so everyone can witness the reveal live? (This was a REAL idea on a blog, guys. Why do you think I’m so stressed?)
2) Pick names before the baby is born, right after, or three years later? And how much of a vote does the husband get? (So far, he gets none since he hasn’t even told me his own name yet). And when do we tell people? Rumor has it my grandma didn’t have a real name for quite a while after she was born, so she went by “Babe”, which stuck for most of her life and people still call her Babe. Which I think is actually kind of cute. But… I still want to name my babies pretty soon. However, as soon as I think of a baby name, one of my cousins steals it! How rude! So in an effort to get my cousins to name their children OTHER names, so I can still have mine, I offer them the following really good, solid names: Linus, Georgina, Hilda, and Frank.
And the number one thing I worry about…
1) Everything else. Gracious, it’s like bringing a human child into the world is a hugely big deal. It’s a good thing my mommy blogs have prepared me years in advance for the horrors, the laughs, the blow-outs, the giggling, the spit up, the babbling, the tears, the fears, the stress, the smiles, and most importantly, the love.
Do I worry about being a good mom already? Way before I even need to? Sure. But I bet this mama did, too, and I think she is perfect. Even without the mommy blogs as her guide.
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Your kids will be second cousins to your cousins' kids. Not close enough to worry about at all. And they'll almost certainly have different last names. When I look at Eric's grandma, who has about 35 great grandkids, there are multiple duplications of names, and it's okay. And this is for a fairly close-knit group of cousins. Nobody has murdered anybody yet.
Also, baby gender reveal parties? That's crazy-town. Ain't nobody got time for that.
These are the crazy things we invented with (a) the advent of the Internet and (b) having only a couple of children, so All The Things must be an Event.
Ha! Spot on, Liz! 🙂 You better still be blogging when his all comes true because I can't wait to read your life.
Liz, you are hilarious! Thanks for the good laugh! I think my favorite line was "(So far, he gets none since he hasn't even told me his own name yet)"!! You crack me up! And i think you're going to make a fantastic mom one day! and yes, these are things we initially worry/stress about, but when it really comes down to it after the baby(ies) comes, all you can think about is "sleep. i need sleep. and a maid." And all those other worries fly out the window! love ya:)