30 reasons why I’m still single at age 30

In any type of normal conversation in which someone finds out I am single and [now] 30, invariably I hear a comment to the effect of “I just don’t understand why you’re not married.”

I appreciate it. I do. Well, I mean I think I do. I am guessing that means they think I’m awesome and awesome people should be married (this is not true, by the way. I mean, it’s true, but it doesn’t always happen. I know many mucho awesome single people). Nevertheless, I appreciate the vote of confidence on my behalf.

However, when they ask this question, this is how I feel: Pick me, pick me! Please pick me!

So for those of you who have ever wondered (there are at least 3 of you out there), I have compiled a list of the top 30 reasons why I am 30 and still not married. Trust me, it was hard to limit it to just 30, so you’ll see where I cheated.

1. At the end of my first date (a Harvest dance) at age 17, I shook the guy’s hand. Granted, he was dating my friend and she couldn’t go to the dance but he wanted to go and he knew that I knew that he knew it was only platonic, and I had permission from my friend to go, etc. But I certainly wasn’t going to go in for a hug. At least it wasn’t a high five? #facepalm
1. Ooh, this is fun. My second date, I asked a guy to a dance who I later found out had a sort-of girlfriend. I don’t think she was as cool with it as he was. #awkward
2. And my third and final date in high school (another harvest dance), I kept drifting off on the drive home because I was so tired. #impressive
2. Getting flowers from guys doesn’t impress me. The meaning behind them is too confusing and the $20-40 dies in 3 days. One time when I got flowers, I took them to a friend in the hospital instead of keeping them. #ididntevenfeelbad
3. Sometimes I pray that a guy won’t ask me out again. Is that praying for that which I ought not?
4. I’m not that interesting to spend time with. 
1. One time I put together a group date and went to meet my date at his house. He wasn’t there, so I sat on the benches outside until he came gliding in on his bike, followed by a girl he had just been on a biking date with. He made sure to bid her farewell before coming to talk to me. Some months later, they got married. Pretty sure I even got them a wedding gift. #notbitter
2. Another time, I set up a group date and while we were all gathered at my house and I was busy making the dessert, my date went off and got dinner with another gal in the group. I am quick to forgive. #notbitter
3. I don’t plan group dates anymore.
5. A guy and I were back and forth about whether we wanted to date each other for over a year. Finally, I thought we were on the same page about trying things out. The next thing I knew, he was dating someone else. #classic. But I’d done that to him, too, so…#deserved.
6. I broke up with a guy/he broke up with me, because he told me he didn’t like me and that I wasn’t a priority to him. I’m a little picky like that. After we broke up, I helped him with his essays to get into grad school so I wouldn’t have to see him anymore. #kindnessbeginswithme 
7. I broke up with a guy because…I don’t know. It wasn’t “right”? What does that even mean? But it was true somehow. Again, super picky. Soon after that, I helped his next girlfriend, who then became his wife, find a job. Who am I?
8. I broke up with a guy/he broke up with me because he told me he couldn’t handle me emotionally. I asked him if he realized he was dating a girl. I hope he enjoys being married to a lamppost. #notbitter
9. I tried a matchmaker service once. Within the first 30 minutes of the first date, the guy started an argument and attacked me on some of my most fundamental religious beliefs and moral values. And then, to put salt on the wound, he took me to a bookstore and told me he didn’t like Harry Potter. That was the last straw.
   
10. I asked my nieces if they wanted to a) play with me forever or b) let me get married so they could play with my kids. They said they wanted to play with me forever. #greatestauntever
11. Whenever I turn on my heathen music (aka the radio), Michael Buble’s song “I just haven’t met you yet” is playing. Every time. A prayin’ woman looks at those kind of things like they’re signs. 
1. Also, I call radio music heathen music. Really mature. And Pharisaical.
12. A legitimate quote from my mouth: “I’m far too practical for love.”
13. The link to “Add Husband” on FamilySearch is broken. Has been for years.
    
14. I started writing this list 5 months before I turned 30. #hopedieseternal
15. That one Brazilian drunk that I met on my mission in Brazil and asked me to marry him… not my type.
16. Refer to my First Date Anxiety post.
17. Then refer to my Second Date Anxiety post.
18. I am working on a Third Date Anxiety post.
19. Someone once told me I have a pattern of ruining relationships. So, you know, there’s that.
20. If I go on a good date, and the guy doesn’t ask me out again, I try to set him up with one of my friends. I just have a good heart. And no patience. And it’s obvious I clearly don’t gauge dates well if a “good” date doesn’t ask me out again. 
21. I have a reputation in my ward for being the girl who doesn’t like to be hugged. I have no defense. 
22. If a friend tries to set me up and the guy doesn’t call/contact me within a reasonable amount of time, I send him a Facebook message to get to know him. First of all, I don’t want my friend to ever think it’s my fault that nothing happened. Second of all, what the heck do I have to lose? (except my dignity of course). I’ll give you two guesses as to how well that works out. #stillsingle
1. PS–every time I do something bold like this, it comes back to haunt me later. Why, why, why?
23. My dating posts are the most popular posts on my blog and the posts Deseret News likes to pick up. I need good, quality, nightmare-of-a-date material.
24. I stopped going to my stake institute class last semester because I was tired of running into guys I’d gone on dates with and who might still be interested in me, but I wasn’t sure, and it was all confusing and so it made things awkward. Also, the “weird” guys. ‘Nuff said. I’ve repented, though, and we’ll see how this semester goes.
25. I live in the Pool House–the most popular house in Unincorporated East Millcreek Township proper. And I’ve always been about popularity, as you well know. 
    
26. I started a Set-Up Service, which requires me to have single friends, which requires a single network. Want to sign up? Click here!
27. I recently went to a stake activity where there were potentially hundreds of guys I didn’t know. So I obviously sat down with my group of girl friends from my own ward. When I finally decided to talk to some guys, I invited them to sign up for my set-up service. Good businesswoman. Bad flirter.
28. It takes me a really long time to make big decisions. I researched and looked at Kitchen-Aid mixers for about 2 years before I bought one. I narrowed it down to just a few months when I bought a new mountain bike. My current months-long debate was whether to buy the Harry Potter books in hardback or softback. Just imagine trying to decide who to marry…years, I tell you. Years. #hardbackwon
29. Speaking of Kitchen-Aids…I bought my own Kitchen-Aid. This is something I’d always thought I’d get as a wedding gift. But I could wait no longer. Once I have a nice set of knives, I literally will have no more reasons to get married.
30. I deleted all of my online dating accounts at the beginning of the year. I didn’t want to go on dates with crazies anymore, even if we got to ride elephants, because crazies try to hold your hand when you hardly know each other and then I just get mad. Hypothetically. That being said, I’ve set a goal to get back online by the end of the month. #tindernightmares #prayforme 

Well, let’s start off with the fact that I do want to get married. But I have struggled long and hard to realize that my singledom is actually my own choice. I am not a victim of circumstance nor am I even a pawn in some great malicious game God is playing. I have always had and still have my ability to choose. But I just haven’t found someone who I would want to be married to and who would also want to be married to me.

Have I met guys before that I think I was compatible with? Yes. Did they think they were compatible with me? No. Has the reverse happened? Most definitely. But, I would be unhappy being married to someone I was unhappy with. And he would be unhappy with me in the reverse. So I’m grateful that I haven’t just married to get rid of my single status. I’m looking to marry someone to build a relationship, life, and a family with. And that sometimes takes a little longer. And, no, I’m not looking for perfection, which is the next thing you were going to ask me. How could I honestly expect perfection when I’m a fruitcake myself?

And to those who think otherwise, being single is not a curse. I have an excellent career, wonderful callings in the Church, family and friends who surround me, plenty of opportunities to serve others, and in general, I lead a pretty good existence. Yes, I struggle with massive issues of perfectionism. Still. Every day. And you know what? I bet I would struggle with that being married as well. Do I sometimes feel lonely? Sure. So do married people. Marriage is not a “fix” for most problems and could even intensify them. I’m still in favor of it because there’s the potential for greater joy as well. And because the family is central to God’s plan. And because I love me a good man. (And because…childrenzzz!)

Overall, I know that God knows where I am. He knows what I am doing. And our plans are in sync. It’s tempting to ask, “Why?” And sometimes I do. But when I ask “why?” the real answer is not, “Well, it’s because you turned that one guy down on a third date.” It’s more like, “Remember that sister in your ward who you helped when she was lonely? I needed you there for her” or “Remember how you were available to help your family when there was an emergency? I needed you there to help.”

I know I could certainly help and serve being married with children, and boy howdy, I fully intend to do so. But since I am where I am, I have chosen to do what God would have me do and be where He would have me be right now. In this moment. I am astounded nearly every day that if I choose to instead ask, “Am I doing what you want me to do?” the answer is, “Yes!” (except for when I am a basket case and beat up on myself emotionally. Or maybe not when I fail again and again at holding my tongue. You know what, though? Maybe even in those moments because those moments humble me and turn me to God and others. And to professional counseling. Hahaha…).

Does God want me to have my own family? Of course. Does He know I want a family? Assuredly. So we’ve got that covered. What else do I need to worry about?

I’ll tell you what I worry about–working to believe Christ and trust in God. I work to be a better person and develop Christlike attributes. I work to love others more and serve others freely. I work to eliminate pride and bitterness from my soul. I work to avoid judgment and get rid of grudges. 

I probably have a million “reasons” why I’m still single at 30. And maybe even some of them are legitimate enough that I need to change myself to be the kind of person that my future companion would want to marry. And if that’s so, thank the heavens I’ve been given some extra time. And if it’s just because God has other places for me to be, I’m so grateful for those other enriching and wonderful opportunities I’ve been given. And if, which I also suspect, God is just letting me figure it out, well, then, go ahead and try to set me up on a date. Just don’t be surprised when I shake his hand, when he calls me too emotional, or when I blog about my frustrations with dating (side note: dating really IS the worst. No battle.). 

God knows me. And he knows what I need. And he also knows what some future husband of mine needs. If the crazy who will want to marry me someday is anything of what I imagine him to be, he’s also out there on his knees somewhere, praying that He can do all that God wants him to do. And he’s out there serving and getting answers to his “why’s” as well.

Or maybe he got hit by a bus and died so we’ll meet in the next life. And that’s ok, too. #nextlifeplan #notbitter

Also…this. That’s me on the right. I won Miss Ugly 2003.