Best April Fool’s Day Joke

I have never been much of a prankster. A joker, yes. A tease? Yea, verily. But I’ve never been into those prank wars especially because TPing and the like seem like such an enormous waste of resources.

On the other hand, I do remember putting a rubber band around the sink sprayer thing for April Fool’s Day one year (this was before Google was popular so we thought ideas like this were clearly original). And I do love hiding in dark or obscured places to jump out at friends, family members and roommates (the best was hiding in the shower and turning on the water when someone walked in. Guys, it’s the BEST reaction. Seriously. Although you might get yourselves kil’t). And last year for April Fool’s, I may have pulled a mean joke by telling my roommates I was moving out and rigging the whole thing with other people so that it seemed real enough that there was real sadness on their side (I still feel a little bad about that one).

But all joking included, I can’t live in prankster deceit for very long. Unless, well, unless this.

For the past many of my single years, I have had a recurring April Fool’s Day joke. It’s hard to give it up here, but I feel the days where I can pull this off are gone…mostly because I have so few guy friends (I’m sure this is not correlated at all).

Every year, I text nearly all my guy friends a sweet little message!

“Hey! Thanks so much for the flowers and the note! I didn’t know you felt that way…we should talk. :)”

Oooh, yeah. I’m a little bit evil. (Also, I think this warrants a reminder that Reason #2 of my 30 Reasons I’m Still Single has to do with my lackluster appreciation of flowers as gifts.)

There are a few categories of responders to this text.

Dye love!!!!!

The non-responder
The non-responder is the one who just…can’t…even. And so he doesn’t.

The immediate suspicion-monger
This type of man-cub is one who immediately texts back “Haha. April Fool’s!”

The sorry denier
This type is ever certain of keeping a good name, and immediately texts back. “Um…was that meant for me? I didn’t send any flowers. Sorry!”

The gentleman
Always willing to share a compliment, but not sure what this is all about, “Sounds like you have a secret admirer. I wish I could take the credit, but I can’t!”

The take-the-praise-man
I feel like this is the immediate suspicion-monger with just a bit more secret/not-so-secret love for me, “You’re welcome! You deserve them! And I’m willing to talk anytime.”

All of these are good, normal, and expected responses. Every year I wonder which of my new targets will be which type of guy. I can usually peg them, but every once in a while I’m surprised.

Well, the prank doesn’t end there, because what fun would there be in that? I usually let the non-responder be. And the take-the-praise-man? If he were serious, we would already be dating, right? But we aren’t. So…yeah.

But to the suspicion-monger/denier/gentleman?

Me: Oh my gosh, this is so not funny. I feel really embarrassed now.
Man-cub: What? Why?
Me: Because I thought you sent them, and if you didn’t then someone else is pranking me because your name is clearly on the flower card.
Man-cub: Oh my gosh! Really?
Me: Yeah, I mean you’re the only [insert name] I know, so I naturally assumed it was from you…I am so embarrassed.
Man-cub: Don’t be embarrassed! That’s so dumb someone would do that to you. I really am sorry. It’s ok, I won’t think anything of it.
Me: I’m so, so embarrassed. Please forget everything I’ve said.

(and sometimes carried on for a few more texts, #mots (mots=more of the same) JK. I. just made #mots up because I didn’t want to type more of the same and then I did it anyway. Twice. Mots really=pithy or witty saying. So, mots it is).

Scoreboard

Me=1. Man-cub=0. Win.

Around 11:30 pm I like to send a follow-up text. “JK about the flower ordeal today. Didn’t you know it was April Fool’s?”

Dyed-egg emoji of death.

The most frequent response is to the tune of, “Why I oughta!”

#whyimsingle

Well, what goes around comes around. About 4 or 5 years ago, on VALENTINE’S DAY!!! (aka NOT April Fool’s Day), I received a bouquet of tulips at my work. Admission from a self-confessed non-flower-girl: they were quite pretty and I do love spring tulips. Well, thus ensued some major moments of embarrassment as co-workers peppered me with questions about who they were from. The flowers had a name, but I couldn’t peg someone I knew well enough to have sent the flowers.

Immediate suspicion: my mother. I told my co-workers about my yearly April Fool’s Day joke and how my mother knew about it. And, how she would probably love an opportunity to show me some love on Singles Awareness Day while also hearkening back to the cruelty suffered at my hand by those poor unsuspecting boys of years past by providing a fake name.

Multiple texts and calls to mom and dad denied any such doing, but implied that I should think harder about where they might have come from.

And, indeed, upon thinking harder, it was easy to peg the name with the culprit.

Mr. E-Man (see what i did there?) was a victim of one of my previous April Fool’s Day jokes. And he had waited for some time to sort of “get back” at me, but with kindness. Now, I assume he also wanted it to be on a special day, at work, so that I wouldn’t get off so easily with my flower jokes anymore. And so that I’d have to endure some sort of real embarrassment from my co-workers. Truthfully, I believe this culprit was too innocent to have ever thought of the repercussions of his actions. But I guess I had never thought of the repercussions of mine, either.

Well-played Mr. E-Man: you were the first to follow through.

So after many years of fun, I think I shall retire this game (or will I? can I? Are there any guys I know who won’t read this blogpost so I can continue the joke?). But no…let dead flowers die. #mots.