If you buy a Liz a house (or how I acquired a turkey roaster pan)

If you buy a Liz a house,

she will need a place to put a utility trailer.

So she will put that utility trailer in the garage,

and all will be well.

One day, her brother might ask to borrow the utility trailer

but she will be busy doing something and not get his message until later.

When she gets the message, she will apologize,

but her brother will say, “It’s OK! I just broke into your garage!”

And Liz will be mad.

And the brother will say, “Well, I didn’t break in…per se. Did you know that one of the windows to your garage was installed backward, so I could just climb right in?”

And Liz will be even more mad.

Not at her brother. But at the fact that she did not notice this. And that these windows have been that way for a long time and no one noticed.

So she will call the people who install windows.

And she will spend her hard-earned money getting two beautiful new garage windows (windows only become beautiful when you spend a lot of money on them).

When she gets the windows installed, she will also get a quote for the window in front that has a broken pane either because of a snowplow flicking a rock into it or a child throwing a rock. She does not know what happened, but it needs to be fixed.

The window installer people tell her it just needs new glass, so she has to call someone else to fix it.

Soon after, she will say, “I’m the kind of person who buys windows for her house now. So I am probably an adult.”

And while she is at the grocery store, she will see a super sale on turkey breasts. And she will say, “I have never made a turkey or a turkey breast. And that is the kind of thing adults do. I should learn how to do that.”

And she will buy two turkey breasts.

Well, turkey sales usually mean Thanksgiving time and Thanksgiving usually leads to Christmas.

So she looks all around the house and thinks, “It would probably be a good idea to hang Christmas lights before it gets too cold.”

But her 7 foot ladder is just not quite tall enough, and she is tired of always borrowing a taller ladder.

So in the weekend after Thanksgiving sales, she will find a nice extension ladder and buy it. While looking online at that ladder, she’ll notice the sales for Google Home minis. Everyone had them on sale, and she already had one, but the ladder store had one with a smart lightbulb. So she bought #allthethings.

And now she turns on her light with her voice because she’s a nerd.

And then when the back-ordered ladder came in, she hung up her Christmas lights. And they were beautiful to behold.

(I forgot to take a picture of the lights, but I did get one of the ladder. #priorities)

And her house was all decorated for Christmas, and her lights were lovely, and magic was everywhere.

And she wanted to invite people over, because she wanted to share the magic.

But since she had bought her own house, she had moved away from her friends and realized she spends a lot more time working and doing other things, and no longer has a built-in friend group to invite over.

But…she has a big family. And they had birthdays to celebrate. And Liz offered to make dinner for a family birthday party.

And she had two turkey breasts in the freezer.

She googled how to make turkey breasts. Lots of posts talked about a turkey roaster pan. She had seen one before, of course. But she did not have one.

But she’d already spent all her money on windows and did not want to buy one. She asked her grandma if she could borrow one, but grandma said they were not necessary.

So Liz made one turkey in a nice glass pyrex pan in the oven and another in an Instant Pot! (and they both turned out delicious!)

[See oven recipe] Note: I used chicken broth instead of wine and didn’t have any celery (even though I went to the store to buy Rosemary because I also didn’t have that, but still didn’t get celery), but it turned out great. However, this one took longer in the oven than they propose.

[See Instant Pot recipe]Easy and perfect.

And when the family came over, her mother brought her a turkey roaster pan because it could come in handy in the future.

The family birthday party.

So if you buy a Liz a house, she will probably also need a turkey roaster pan.

The end.

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