Who even writes a blog about blogging? I guess I do.
A few weeks ago, I went and saw the new Little Women. This blog is not a review of the movie. Suffice it to say that I thought it was beautiful. There are a few critical things I didn’t like about it, but that’s always the case with a book to movie adaptation. The book will always be my favorite. (But I really like the PBS adaptation from 2017.)
I have always identified with Jo as a writer who is trying to figure out how in the heck to write what is not only worth reading, but beautiful and meaningful. And so the movie threw me into a little funk because I want to write more, but I’m just so terribly afraid. I’ve tried to get my heart (and hands) more into it before. It’s hard to explain but it’s like a fear of what that would mean. It would mean I need to spend more time with my writing and not just willy-nilly here and there. It would mean that I am subject to more critique. It would mean that there will be things I write that don’t work or that no one reads or that no one likes! For my publishing outside of my blog, it means so many more rejection letters.
And it means that it takes more of me to do it. For me, writing is tapping into a really deep part of my soul. It’s incredibly vulnerable. And, in a way, it takes something from me to share things–even if it’s only for the 92 people who read one of my blog posts.
I read my posts over way too many times and spend way too much time on them. And after I post things, it affects my emotions because I’m just not sure I said things the right way or then I remember something I should have included. And even more? My opinions and feelings about things change over time. As I learn and gain experience, something I may have written about before affects me or influences my thoughts in a different way. It’s hard to share when I’m in the midst of learning and growing myself.
But if I want to get better at writing, the only real way is to start doing it more, even if I don’t love love everything I write.
So I set a goal to blog once a week this year (whether on my own blog or through other sites that may accept my work). I am afraid to commit that to “paper” because I know I might not fulfill it every week. But it’s what I’m shooting for, and it’s OK if I need to update and modify that goal.
Naturally, on New Year’s Day when I had a lot of time that I planned to devote to some writing, I got afraid of all those things I mentioned before. So I got a lot of stuff taken care of around the house instead (I’m excellent at delaying tactics…it’s why I became such a dish washing crazy in college) and read Harry Potter for like…6 hours. A very good start to the year, although not a very good move toward my goal.
But here I am today. We’ll see where we go from here.